Through the years of marriage counseling in the States, I could feel that there are big differences in the philosophy of marriage between the young ethnic Koreans in the States and the young ones in Korea. It is evident when you think of the conditions of favored grooms among the prospective brides.
The parents living in the Midwest applied for the matchmaking service once. The father graduated from a renowned university in Korea, had a profession, and got reputation and wealth. The parents had one son and one daughter. The daughter had an international marriage. The father was eager to have his son married a Korean. His son was, however, rather an average person compared to his father.
He graduated from a middle-level university and was doing quite a big building management enterprise. He was tall and had a good character. I think that this kind of man is sure to get 90+ point among the prospective Korean brides. In Korea, a man with a stable realty income is the most wanted after the collapse of life time occupation concept. The trend that says rich salary worker is better than poor judge is increasing. I think that such a phenomenon is not solely the result of Korean woman’s adherence to wealth.
The men and women that enter the marriage market nowadays had experienced the hard times in the foreign currency crisis and the following economic depression. Getting a job in Korea had been so much difficult. These experiences made young Korean generation “money-wise” in certain ways. Therefore, if the son had been in Korea, I am sure that he would have many chances of getting the spouse.
I introduced a woman with 90+ points to the son. She was a professional with $100,000.- salary, and living in the East Coast. The mother of the woman was satisfied by saying that,” he is sure to be a good man because he was born and raised in such a good family environment.” The response from the daughter was, however, the opposite. The mother was sorry to me that her daughter insisted that she would not meet the prospective spouse. When I asked why she was refusing, the mother told me that the reason was that the man had no profession.
The second woman I introduced to the man had talent and beauty. She was working in an advertisement company with a degree from a university. The father of the prospective partner called me after a while, and said,” I think he is a good man but I think my daughter think in a different way.” The woman did not like a man without an occupation. The most important thing is the man’s capacity, and the financial capacity that the man has currently is not the crops from his works. I was confused a lot because I was not accustomed to the differences of culture and practice between those in the States and in Korea.
I tried to introduce two more times afterwards, but it was not successful due to the refusal of the prospective brides.
I visited the family, conversed with honorable parents and the good young man, and I was certain that this young man was really a good man. A certain woman in the East Coast requested a counsel about the marriage of her daughter whose profession is a medical doctor. I talked about this man, and the woman’s response was positive.
I flew 4 hours by airplane to meet her daughter and talked about this matter because I thought that direct converse would be better than the indirect one through her mother. The lady looked bright and smart. I began talking about the man very cautiously but with a firm belief because I was worried that the man might be regarded as a man without an occupation.
I said, "This man has choices of doing anything if he wants. Building management is more than simply collecting rents. It requires a mind of professionalism. His parents’ wealth is also a merit point. When you have a stable income, you can indulge in whatever you want." It seemed that my 4 hour flight got worked, and that they believed sincerely what I had said.
I returned after getting their confirmation that they would meet the man. Both partners contacted after a while, and I heard that they promised that the lady would visit the man.
It was a meeting done after many attempts and long endurance.
- Lee, Woongjin, CEO, usa.couple.net